Monday, May 20, 2024

Charlie Crist: Politician, Or Future Reality TV Star?

Charlie Crist wants to take another crack at being governor of Florida and this time he is throwing out all the crazy to try and win what is clearly a long shot.

The Dallas Cowboys have better odds at winning the super bowl this year than Crist getting elected governor again. But with a new attitude, he is taking a page out of Kayne West’s playbook by just making huge claims about who he is as a person. In a recent interview, Crist compared himself to Jesus Christ because he has risen to save Florida from the Devil. Rumor has it that after the press conference Crist tried to further show his Jesus skills by turning water into wine which was later found to just be food coloring he had hidden up his sleeve. 

But the fun doesn’t stop there as Crist also went on to compare himself to Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy stating that Florida is fighting a revolution as well just like Ukraine. I don’t know if Crist gets out much or watches the news but people getting pissed about Natty Light prices at a Daytona Nascar race isn’t really the same as people literally fighting for their lives against the Russians. I mean in reality, the only revolution that needs to happen in Florida is just lowering the price of admission at Disney World. 

Can I just say I wonder if Crist really wants to be governor or if he’s just doing this to get his own reality show?

It’s like when Kayne West ran for president and it was just to promote an album. I mean when I think about it, maybe Obama ran for president just to get a deal with Netflix. Maybe Biden just wanted to be president because he wants to land a deal to be the spokesman of the AARP?

This could be an entire Illuminati of Democrats that run for office purely to make it to Hollywood, you know. Except for Bill Clinton, he was just in it to meet the ladies.

Oh my god, I just remembered Hilary Clinton has a new show on Apple+ called “Gutsy.”

Dear God! Democrats know that they’re losing America, so now they want to take over the one thing that brings us together, which is television and movies. 

As I dig deeper into this rabbit hole, it’s clear that Charlie Crist just wants to be a reality TV star. That’s the only thing which makes sense. So to help him on that journey, I decided to give him some show ideas he can pursue after he gets mauled in the Florida governor’s race. 

“Crist and Clean, a revolutionary makeover show”

Watch as Charlie Crist, the Volodymyr Zelenskyy of America goes into blown-up cities during revolutions to give them the makeover they deserve. A splash of color here and an open floor concept, and you’ll never know this house was blown up by a Russian missile. 

“Crist across America comedy tour”

Charlie Crist, the Jesus Christ of comedy, takes his stand-up show on the road. Watch as he delivers the same jokes that Jesus did at the Last Supper. 

“Undercover Crist” 

Charlie Crist uses the power of a Hollywood makeup artist to go undercover as Ron DeSantis to pull hilarious pranks on Floridians – particularly the new ones freshly arrived from the Blue Northeast.