M&M’s Go Willfully Woke

What a shame, I used to like M & M’s. In fact I used to like a lot of Mars brands of candy. I was never particularly fond of their Skittles, but I used to really like their Milky Way and Twix bars.

Unfortunately, Mars has decided that lesbianism and wokeism needed to encompass even candy-coated chocolate morsels.

Last week, in their infinite wisdom, Mars released a new package of M & M’s meant for “women” only. The picture on the package features the three “female” mascots, which are apparently the green and brown M & M’s that were joined by a new addition a purple, full figured one.  The picture on the package was printed upside down, which Mars seems to believe demonstrates that powerful women have “flipped the status quo.”

The first thing that I noticed when looking at the new packaging is that when M & M’s are flipped upside down the M’s become W’s. Which is perfect when the perverted message your displaying celebrates (w)okeness.

I was also amazed that Mars is suddenly able to clearly differentiate between men and women, something even Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson was too tongue tied to admit.

That’s a unique and deceptive trait of liberalism. When it suits them, they can identify whatever false truth it is that they want to highlight and hold up for the world to see. Then when it doesn’t oblige their cause, they hide it in the shadows and if rational minds see through the shadows, they are attacked and criticized.

The new “female” package, will consist of only the green, brown, and purple colors, but will be available in milk chocolate, peanut, and peanut butter versions.

The new purple “female” peanut M & M represents a first for Mars. It’s the first time a “female” peanut has been designated as the company’s “spokescandy.”

To me, Mars seems to be totally delusional about the impact bags of candy can have on society. They seem to believe that people attach deep meaning to what a candy-coated peanut represents.

Jane Hwang is the global VP at Mars Wrigley. Here are her ruminations on the new purple peanut:

“There is so much about our new spokescandy that people can relate to and appreciate, including her willingness to embrace her true self. Our new character reminds us to celebrate what makes us unique.”

Really? We are still talking about a purple peanut M & M aren’t we?

Mars is also making changes to the green and brown M & M’s too. The company claims that they have been criticized in the past for making the green M & M too sexy.

Imagine that an M & M that’s too sexy.

To remedy that, the green  M & M will no longer wear stiletto boots. The candy will now wear sneakers. Nothing says “un-sexy” like an M & M in sneakers.

The company claims that by changing the footwear the green M & M will be:

“Better represented to reflect confidence and empowerment, as a strong female, and known for much more than her boots.”

Huh??

The Brown M & M is also changing footwear, going from spike heels to lower ones in order to display a more “professional height.”

Get this, the orange M & M, which always appeared in untied sneakers will now have his shoes tied. The company believes that this will reflect his adopting a more cautious nature. The reason for this change is to appease the Gen-Z generation because according to Mars, the orange candy:

“Was one of the most relatable characters with Gen-Z, the most anxious generation.”

While the public relations department for Mars Wrigley obviously loves espousing the noble intentions of their bags of colored candy circles, the truth can’t be found in the deep thought virtues they’re pushing.

Most of their candy is bought by or for children and young adults. This is a subtle way of putting perversion in front of them under the guise of harmless colored discs. They want kids to see the packages as a cause, a cause they can support by just doing something they like, eating candy.

They also know that it will start conversations and within these conversations immature, impressionable minds can be twisted.

Just like the pervert that lures children into cars with candy, Mars is doing the same thing only in a more sophisticated and devious manner.