Saturday, December 02, 2023

You Scream, I Scream, New York Screams, No Ice Cream!

New York has a priority problem. The laundry list of issues that the city has is longer than my arm, but punishing those that live and work there seems to top the list. Famous for their pizza, last month the Department of Environmental Protection (DEP) decided to crack down on wood and coal fired pizzerias. Ironically, Ted Timbers was the spokesperson delivering the bad news. The city has decided that pizzerias with ovens that were installed prior to 2016, which means all the iconic ones, need to slice carbon emissions by 75 percent.

“All New Yorkers deserve to breathe healthy air and wood and coal-fired stoves are among the largest contributors of harmful pollutants in neighborhoods with poor air quality. This common-sense rule, developed with restaurant and environmental justice groups, requires a professional review of whether installing emission controls is feasible.”

Feasible, really? Is it worth forcing small business owners to spend $20,000 or more to correct a problem that doesn’t exist? The city claims that less than one hundred restaurants would be affected, so what’s the point? The only thing that will change is the price of a slice for the workers of New York, while some kale eating elitist sits at home patting himself on the back.

The new DEP rules comply with local 38 of 2015, which were approved by former Mayor Bill de Blasio, who was widely disparaged when a photo of him eating a slice with a knife and fork made the news.

Thankfully for de Blasio, he was eating in, and using real silverware. If he had ordered takeout and a plastic knife and fork was included with his order, the restaurant could have been fined between $50 and $250 just for sticking them in the bag.

That’s right folks, New York has implemented a “Skip the Stuff Law.” No, I’m not making this up. The law, which was signed into effect in February, can fine businesses which include restaurants, food delivery and courier services between $50 and $250 that send utensils and other items like soy sauce and ketchup packets to customers who didn’t ask for them. The law is aimed at decreasing plastic waste generated by restaurants.

In their infinite wisdom, The war lords that decree these laws, have decided to only “warn” businesses until July 1st, of next year. This law follows another piece of genius legislation that was passed in 2019 which bans “single use plastics,” such as “unrequested” plastic straws and plastic bags.

So you can go to the grocery store where almost everything is bagged or wrapped in plastic, but you can’t get a plastic bag to take your plastic wrapped food home in. That plastic is harmful to the environment, all the other stuff …. not so much.

Now however, New York has gone too far. The most recent target in their sites is none other than dear old Mr. Softee. Seriously, is nothing sacred to these people?

When I was a kid, the incidental tune that came from the Mr. Softee truck was better than my favorite song on the radio. Just the sight of that blue and white truck with the smiling soft serve cone on the side, was enough to trigger almost Christmas morning delight.

Having already calculated what treat I could buy with the amount of money that was death gripped in my sweaty hand, I would run breathing hard up to the window of the truck. There on a hot summer evening, a memory was made. Mr. Softee is legendary. Millions upon millions of children have experienced the simple joy of standing at that window in anticipation of a soft serve treat.

Enter the two “newest prophets of gloom.” Brooklyn Community leader, Lara Birnback and Brooklyn City Councilman Lincoln Restler. According to these two, Mr. Softee is no longer peddling ice cream and instead is serving up death with a side of noise.

According to Birnback, “ice cream trucks should spread joy and sweet summer vibes, not noise and air pollution.”

Then according to Restler:

“Our office gets hundreds of calls about ice cream truck noise, and while they’re famous for their music, it’s the gas-powered generators that most concern residents. We have the technology at our disposal to electrify our ice cream trucks, and our three-year timeline gives business owners enough time to make the responsible transition. I’m excited to see how they can serve as a model for electrifying mobile food truck vendors.”

In the immortal words of our senile President, … “C’mon man.”  Really? Do you expect us to believe that your office actually gets hundreds of calls about the noise of a Mister Softee truck? This is just another lie so that you can push your woke agenda down the throats of hard-working Americans. Here’s some advice.

If you ever do get a call about the noise from a Mister Softee truck, hang up as fast as you can. Any adult that is so misguided as to look up your number, and actually call, is probably living in a room with rubber wallpaper.

I know you won’t heed that advice, because you would be delirious if someone finally agreed with you. Trying to make Mister Softee trucks switch to electric is like ordering them to leave the city, which they most certainly will do.

Why is it that with all of the problems that New York is dealing with, the people in charge become fixated on things like ruining pizza, plastic straws and breaking the hearts of children?

All of these supposed “changes for the good,” accomplish nothing, aside from making people’s lives more miserable. Eventually the woke leadership will have to drop the surprised act about people leaving New York cities and state.

I can see it now, Kathy Hochul and Eric Adams standing at the state line. Both are chewing on a plastic straw, with a full, plastic, doggy poop bag in one hand and a melted ice cream cone in the other. The duo is frantically trying to stop taxpayers from leaving as a police escorted Mister Softee truck drives out of the state.

They did it their way.