Paris Attempts To Curb Olympic Horniness With Anti-Sex Beds

Paris is known as the “City of Lights” for several reasons. First, because it was the first major European city to use gas street lighting in the 1860s. The city has over 50,000 streetlights, including 25 miles of garlands on the Eiffel Tower, which also has 20,000 LED bulbs and golden lights that sparkle for five minutes. At that time, Paris also became a central cultural hub, with many artists moving there to pursue their careers. Paris’s intrinsic relationship with the Age of Enlightenment is another reason the city was dubbed “the City of Lights.”

The city is also known as the “City of Love” because of its romantic culture, ambiance, fine dining, and rich history. Its reputation as a romantic destination dates back to the Middle Ages, when wealthy lovers frequently traveled there to exchange vows. 

However, according to the Olympic officials, there will be no joy in Mudville for the Olympic athletes. The “Anti-Sex” beds have arrived in Paris with the intent of deterring athletes from, how, shall we say, getting to know each other more intimately.

Now, in my humble opinion, there is no such thing as an anti-sex bed. Yet the officials in charge believe they have one. The beds are manufactured by Airweave, which also made the products for the 2020 Olympic Games in Tokyo, Japan. They are twin-sized, so the thinking is that they will be too small for any heavy-duty cuddling. The mattresses and cardboard frames are 100 percent recyclable.

According to Inside the Games, sustainability is the main reason these beds were chosen. However, based on some of the lurid tales from past Olympics, sustainability seems like an afterthought or a pleasant sidebar.

Explaining the sustainability aspect, Georgina Grenon, director of environmental excellence for the organizing committee, stated:

“I hope that Paris 2024’s efforts to reduce its impact will show that it is possible to do things differently.”

A few months ago, a report stated that around 300,000 condoms would be available to the athletes, and the director of the Olympic Village said that fostering a sense of “conviviality” was important. Yet it seems that this sense of geniality was not intended to extend to the bedroom. “Sustainability” (cough, cough) seems to have overtaken human desire.

Susen Tiedtke is a former German long jumper who participated in two summer Olympics. She believes that attempting to limit the activity is futile. She told Bild:

“The ban is a big laughingstock for me; it doesn’t work at all. Sex is always an issue in the village. The athletes are at their physical peak at the Olympics. When the competition is over, they want to release their energy.”

Hey, a cardboard bed is still sustainable even if it’s smashed, and I’m willing to bet that there will be quite a few flattened beds in Paris this summer.