Today’s Episode Of Chiller Theatre: Worm Eats RFK’s Brain

Let’s review. In this presidential election, we have sleepy Joe Biden with his now specially designed Frankenstein-style shoes made to keep him upright. However, they haven’t changed his strange and stiff walking gate. In truth, he looks more like a zombie or the “mummy” every time he takes a step.

In today’s episode of Chiller Theatre, we learn that Independent candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. had part of his brain eaten by a worm before dying inside of his head. Kennedy revealed his run-in with this ravenous worm occurred in 2012 during a deposition in his divorce proceedings. Kennedy was suffering at the time with cognitive issues and believed he may have a brain tumor. That was until a second doctor showed him a spot on his CAT scans and told him it was a dead parasite.

Adding to Kennedy’s worries was the fact that his uncle, Senator Edward Kennedy, had died of brain cancer in 2009. Until the parasite was revealed, he was scheduled to undergo brain surgery at Duke Medical Center. As he was packing to leave for the surgery, a doctor from the New York-Presbyterian Hospital called Kennedy and informed him that he believed his problem “was caused by a worm that got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died.”

Doctors interviewed by the NY Times suggested it was likely a pork tapeworm larva, which has been known to cause seizures, headaches, and dizziness when they start to die. Kennedy believes he may have contracted the parasite on a trip to South Asia that he had taken earlier in the year.

But wait, the brain-eating worm wasn’t Kennedy’s only issue in 2012. During the same deposition, he stated that he also suffered from mercury poisoning from eating too many tuna fish sandwiches. In fact, one doctor told him that he believed that was the reason for his neurological issues.

At the time, Kennedy stated:

“I have cognitive problems, clearly. I have short-term memory loss, and I have longer-term memory loss that affects me.”

Kennedy stated that his mercury levels were 10 times what the Environmental Protection Agency considered safe back then. He claimed he suffered from “severe brain fog” and had trouble finding words.

“I loved tuna fish sandwiches. I ate them all the time,” he said.

Now, I am no doctor, although I sometimes write like one in my columns. However, to have mercury levels 10 times higher than the EPA recommends is more than a lot of tuna fish sandwiches. I’ll let you do the math, but you’ll see what I mean.

The US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) states that the maximum safe dose of mercury is 0.045 mcg per pound or 0.1 mcg per kg of body weight per day. This amount is known as a reference dose. Your daily reference dose for mercury depends on your body weight.

An average 5-ounce serving (1 can) of light tuna contains 18.11 micrograms of mercury, an average 5-ounce serving (1 can) of albacore tuna contains 49.53 micrograms of mercury, and an average 5-ounce serving of tuna steak or tuna sushi could contain up to 97.49 micrograms.

While in the process of divorcing his second wife, Mary Richardson Kennedy, Kennedy disclosed his health issues and argued that his medical problems had reduced his earning power.

Following his two health scares, the environmental lawyer made several changes, including getting more sleep, traveling less, and consuming less fish.

When Kennedy was questioned about whether his health issues would impact his ability to serve as president, a spokesperson for his campaign told the NY Times, “That is a hilarious suggestion, given the competition.”

Yesterday, Kennedy went over the line of the bizarre posting on X:

“I could eat five more brain worms and still beat President Trump and President Biden in a debate. I feel confident of the result even with a six-worm handicap.”

Maybe Biden, but never Trump. Between Joe shuffling around dazed and confused like a zombie, slurring his words, and worm-eaten RFK endlessly stuttering, the hardest challenge for Trump would be to stay awake.

The early bird may catch the worm, but I doubt that will help Kennedy in this election; in fact, I’m sure it won’t.  You’re supposed to use worms to catch fish, not tuna fish to catch worms, especially the ones that eat brains.