There Are Jobs Everywhere, But You’re Not Qualified…

It’s the holiday season and all throughout the White House Sleepy Joe was doing what he always does and talking about jobs.

I re-read it this morning on the internet and social media. He keeps talking and talking.

Always talking about all these millions and millions of jobs that America has. I always get excited but then I come back down to reality island and wonder just where the heck are all these jobs and how I get one. Now I do know that there is an opening that Nancy Pelosi has left because she’s taking up a new job for the devil.

There is a huge misconception when it comes to jobs in America. The president would have you believe that they created all these jobs when in reality, how can the government just create a job? That makes absolutely no sense they can’t just walk into a company and just declare that “you need to hire five more people.” Because then we’re teetering on something I like to call communism.

All these millions of open positions are being created because people are quitting. They’re retiring or otherwise dropping out of the workforce. Our labor participation rate is nothing short of catastrophic. When I did my research, I found that the main reason many people quit is not getting promoted, and therefore not getting pay increases. Why don’t companies promote employees? The most typical answer I got was “they don’t have the education.”

It’s interesting how education trumps experience in America.

You could have 20+ years of experience but it all goes out the window unless you have a really expensive piece of paper from a college. I remember when I was a young lad and working in a finance office I asked for a promotion and a raise. I had been working there for years and had tons of experience but they said I had a lack of education so they couldn’t give me anything. Companies will always use this excuse because they don’t want to pay you more. Remember, your boss needs that money so he can eat sushi off a naked person.

Or something.

The solution is simple: instead of paying for more education in night classes and online college programs that cost a fortune, just buy a degree from a failed or unknown college in a foreign country. They’re usually dirt cheap because the American dollar is so strong in these 3rd world countries and they are just happy to have an American interested in their university.

It’s like when you’re a celebrity and you can take everything for free from people because they’re just happy that you acknowledged them. In reality, they might actually pay you to take a college degree from them, now granted the pay isn’t anything to write home about but still pretty cool. I actually have one BFA from an American College and seventeen doctorates from other countries that no one has ever heard of. I might actually be the chief of medicine in a foreign country; I’m not really sure. So you go out there, get those degrees, and shove them down that recruiter or HR rep’s throat.

Be careful, though, you might find yourself too qualified to work in your current job with your new doctorate degree in biomechanical nuclear energy from the University of Herzegovina.

Now I know what you’re thinking: no real company in America is going to acknowledge these degrees and if that’s the case I understand. However there is a solution and you can always take a page out of the Democratic liberal woke playbook, and just accuse them of discrimination.

We know that works, don’t we?