Monday, November 28, 2022
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Twitter sees employee exodus when work becomes mandatory



As everybody knows, snowflakes have a tendency to immediately melt down and disappear when even the slightest bit of heat is applied.

That’s exactly what’s happening at Elon Musk’s Twitter. 

Hundreds of Twitter employees have resigned en masse since Musk issued a directive on Thursday that they commit to what he has dubbed a “hardcore Twitter 2.0” as he attempts to turn the company into a viable and profitable venture. 

Start earning your keep, in other words. The last words any liberal wants to hear. 

“Going forward, to build a breakthrough Twitter 2.0 and succeed in an increasingly competitive world, we will need to be extremely hardcore,” Musk wrote in a memo to staff. “This will mean working long hours at high intensity. Only exceptional performance will constitute a passing grade.”

Musk spent $44 billion of his own money to buy the company and restore free speech on the platform. No reasonable person would consider it offensive for him to ask them to start doing their jobs. But many of them did. Yuppie liberals don’t like being asked to actually do some work — we know that for a fact — as was just clearly demonstrated once again.

According to several major news outlets, the employees had until 2 p.m. local time on Thursday to select “yes” on a Google form to the question of whether they wanted to stay at Twitter or hit the road with a very generous three months worth of severance pay. Instead, an army of entitled left-wing Millennials began posting an avalanche of snarky farewell messages. 

Over concerns that some employees would attempt to sabotage the company, Twitter then temporarily closed all of its office buildings and suspended badge access as they tried to determine who they should be worried about. The offices are set to reopen today.

But gone are the days of working” from home and free lunches provided by the company, along with myriad other generous expensive perks that the cash-strapped pre-Musk company was providing.  

In a typical liberal response, Democrat activist Andrew Wortman wrote “He fired ¾ of the employees. Now he’s planning to starve the rest of them. He’s failure incarnate.”

Sorry, Andrew, “failure incarnate” does not accumulate $44 billion through single-person entrepreneurial startups such as Tesla, SpaceX and Neuralink, among others. 

With Musk at the helm, Twitter is doing just fine and is on the rise again without all those egotistical deadbeats. The platform is as busy as ever, and so far, no glitches, and a number of high-profile names have had their banishment lifted and are now active again.

One of them, conservative actor James Woods, summed up the situation very nicely.

Good to have you back, James.

Not to be outdone, The Babylon Bee hopped on the pile as well…