All Hail King Zelensky!

“If we are in the Lord of the Rings script,” quipped Alexei Arestovich, a close adviser and chief propagandist to the much-celebrated president of Ukraine, during an interview with Ukrainian musician Oleg Skripka, “a return of the king must happen, that is, Aragorn. Is Ukraine ready for a monarchy?”

“And I’ll tell you,” he continued, “if you think rationally, the only way to kill everything that is coming at us from Moscow is to declare a monarchy.”

Arestovich went on to elaborate that once brought back into the comforting fold of the democratic monarchy, Ukraine can get going with “collecting the lands” once controlled by the Rurik dynasty, who (sort of) started Ukraine.

Like the rest of the information we get about Ukraine and this little war, the truth is not only nowhere in the vicinity but has left the area generations ago, built a farm in Wisconsin, raised kids, and then retired to Florida.

The people who founded the Ukrainian capital were variags (Scandinavian settlers/traders/Vikings) that were given license by the Khazar empire to settle the area around a trading outpost called Kiev.

Three brothers and a sister (per legend) arrived on a longboat, brought slaves with them, killed off a bunch of locals, and installed themselves as kings. Add a few generations of mass killing and inbreeding, and the Ukrainian royal family was born.

Sort of.

Except Kiev was the capital of Russia, the land and people were called Rus, and Ukraine’s history is – sort of, at least – Russian history.

Ukrainian pallywood propaganda productions aside, a top adviser of a sitting president declared that it was a good idea to install a monarchy in his country.

The country that is sold to us as the intrepid last bastion of democracy in the world.

Aside from the White House under siege from vets, rednecks, truck drivers, and other deplorable deplorables, of course.

We speak here of the “40 billion dollars is not enough! It’s a war for democracy!” peeps.

No biggie. What system of government is more democratic than a monarchy?

To be frank, the idea sounds much more outrageous to our ears than to the Ukrainian TV viewers watching that interview.

People living on the territory Zelensky and his buddies claim started out as slaves to Scandinavians and Khazars, moved on to being Mongol slaves during the years of Golden Horde control, followed by the hundreds of years of Polish rule, followed by the hundreds of years of slavery under the Russian empire.

Followed, of course, by the freedoms awarded by the communists of the Soviet Union, including a very underrated genocide known as the Holodomor – covered up by the New York Times’ Pulitzer Prize winning Moscow correspondent and all-around sex-pest Walter Duranty – and a smooth transition to becoming the most corrupt nation in Europe in less than two decades.

Overachievers? Sure. A put-upon and beaten-down minor nation? Definitely. Freedom lovers?

Not exactly.

Hard to miss something you have never tried.

And the golden boy in Gucci green is not exactly far from squeezing his fat, greedy head into an American-bought crown.

Zelensky outlawed every party opposing the regime (11 in total), imprisoned the top guys who didn’t bend the knee and declared their undying loyalty to the young man in high heels and spandex shorts.

The reason? “Russian collusion.”

Sounds familiar?

They’re just reusing old anti-Trump and anti-MAGA fabrications without even bothering to switch the slogans.

Not much of a surprise here. The CIA has been a major player in the area way before the fiasco known as the 2014 Maidan revolution.

It’s a great place to practice color revolutions.

Zelensky outlawed every news station and newspaper outside of the direct control of his government.

To report the news or express an opinion on anything he or the government does, you must register with the government and receive direct permission.

He didn’t go as far as assigning questions written by his writers to the so-called journalists as our fuhrer does but still looks pretty dictatorially.

Maybe that’s just me. I’m probably just a Putin bot.

The world’s favorite war hero sponsors and publicly praises an openly Nazi Azov paramilitary operation.

Azov battalions, since their creation, have been cheerfully doing what Nazis do, namely terrorizing everyone not Ukrainians enough for their taste. It ought to be noted that this isn’t wholly out of character. After all, Ukrainians gleefully joined in with the German occupiers during World War II, which was understandable given the Holodomor and the resulting hatred of the Soviet Union, but the majority of Jews and other undesirables killed in Ukraine were killed off by Ukrainians themselves and that was not, in fact, understandable.

This war, funded by us, is responsible for over 18,000 killed in Donetsk oblast. That’s now an independent republic over which this war began. It’s unclear whether the people there would rather be Russian or Ukrainian. But settling the issue with ballots and devoid of bullets is something neither side seems willing to do. And our own government isn’t even bothering to raise that possibility.

Instead, we’re supplying these people – the Azov battalions, I mean – with billions of dollars of military hardware, they are celebrated in Ukrainian-controlled territories and they’re praised as heroes by Zelensky. They’re killing Russians, so that’s a thing, but Russians aren’t the only victims.

If you gonna be the dictator, after all, you’ve got to have your own Brute Squad.

Zelensky went on to outlaw the Russian Orthodox church in the country he owns after threatening local Jewish rabbinical leadership to toe the line or get exiled from the country where Jews lived long before the word “Ukrainian” was invented. He comes from Jewish stock, so you might have thought he’d be friendlier.

Religion unifies people and gives them hope. It’s opium for the people, as the Soviets’s used to say. No self-respecting dictator could allow worship of anything but himself and the state he represents.

While the people of Ukrainians lack day-to-day resources, Zelensky is valued anywhere from $30 million to $6 billion in assets, allowing his wife to enjoy a $40,000 shopping trip in Paris while her husband was demanding additional money from the French parliament. That’s, of course, before he headed to the United States and had the gall to declare that 40-plus billion dollars he pocketed on his trip is not enough.

So, let’s see, control of media: check.

The extermination of opposition: check.

State church that worships him: check.

Personal army: check

“Let them eat cake” approach to the serfs: check.

If Zelensky does not qualify as a kinglet, I’m not sure what he’s missing.

The whole picture does remind me of the “Lord of the Rings” after all: we’ve got a chubby little hobbit LARPing at being a soldier vying for the ring offered by a senile depends-sporting wizard while looking up to the dark force in the background.

The only question is whether Klaus Schwab or George Soros plays Sargon.

And why is Sargon using the Shire to launder money?