37 MM Suppository Causes Hospital Evacuation
This is one of those columns that falls under the “You can’t make it up” category.
Late Saturday night, a 24-year-old man arrived at the emergency department of the Rangueil Hospital in Toulouse, France. He was complaining about severe pain that was brought on after he had inserted something into his rectum that he could not remove.
During the initial examination, hospital personnel could not identify the object, and it was determined that surgery would be required to remove it.
As I mentioned in previous columns, I have medical experience, and at one hospital where I worked, when the patient load wasn’t extreme, I spent any free time I had in the emergency room. The E.R. is a unique place, and believe me, I saw many things that the average person unfamiliar with emergency medicine would not.
The insertion of foreign objects, involving both men and women, is fairly rare, and in my case, I observed it on three occasions. The strangest was a hand beater for mixing things like eggs or batter, which most people can’t imagine, and trust me, I understand why. Still, it happened, and surgery was also required in that case.
In this case, not knowing what they were dealing with, you can imagine the surgeon’s concern when they realized that they were dealing with an eight-inch-long German-made artillery shell that dated back to 1918.
The stability of something that old is clearly in question. Plus, it appeared to be intact and in good condition, which only raised the anxiety level.
The authorities were notified, and the bomb squad, fire department, and police were dispatched to the hospital. Portions of the facility were evacuated of staff and patients while explosive experts determined a blast radius.
The fire crews remained on site until the operation was complete.
Later, it was determined that the shell had been demilitarized and was not a threat.
The patient, whose identity has not been released (for obvious reasons), continued to receive medical care after the extraction.
French authorities stated that the man informed doctors he had inserted the shell himself. However, details regarding how he obtained the nearly century-old munition have not been disclosed.
Toulouse public prosecutor David Charmatz told La Depeche, “We will not prosecute him, as there is no criminal offense. The ammunition was demilitarized.”
Yes, he has probably suffered enough, and jail time for this particular character probably wouldn’t be much of a deterrent. That said, they might consider running a metal detector around his yard, just in case he has another onset of stupidity or some other desire.
I’m sure there is a lesson in here somewhere, but for 99.99 percent of the population, not so much. For the rest of you, stay safe and make sure your nearest neighbor is at least five miles away.
